So today is a big day in the old Layton house.  My middle child - and only daughter - Brooklyn turns 5 today.  Yep, that means she starts Kindergarten TOMORROW and she is crazy excited.  Don’t let her cuteness fool you though, she has a wicked streak to her, although most don’t believe me.  Truth be told, I wouldn’t want it any other way!

I also want to give a big thank you to Jana and Tim for taking the time to make this a true ‘princess’ event for her.  No we didn’t put her in a tanning bed - we’re not psycho parents!  Thanks Jana for doing her nails all pretty and to Tim for giving her her first haircut and style.

A little shout out - Jana owns a Mystique Tanning Franchise in Sherwood Park and does nails and waxing and Tim owns a Hair Salon, “The Sedan Chair Salon”, over in Summerside/Ellerslie.  We have a lot of really talented individuals that train here at SPARK that offer a lot of different services.  If you’re looking for something ask around the gym, you never know what you might find.

Anyway, HAPPY BIRTHDAY PEANUT!  Love you.

Let everyone know about the services you’ve used from people in the gym…and no all you people that are dating each other, we don’t need to know what YOU’RE doing for each other!

Today was Sean’s last day at SPARK and he will definately be missed.  Always the one to add a comic relief during class or on his FB to make everyone laugh.  I mean come on, how many people do you know that would publically admit to have sword fights in Prison?  Yes prison.  Sean is a Corrections Officer…not for any real big crimimals, but some rule breakers nonetheless.

We’ve seen some big changes in you my friend and you can stop by any time or post on the blog.  And by the way, this doesn’t mean you are off the hook for the fundraiser this year.  You, Brett and Conor are not only invited…you are expected (and yes that means raising money too not just working out). 

Comments?  Burns?  F-yous?  Put them in the comments.

For those of you that don’t come at 6:00am let me introduce you to Bibiana.  Bibiana has been coming for quite some time now and until the other day danced somewhat to her own tune.

She is hands down one of the most active people I know outside the gym.  In her mind there is always an adventure waiting for her and she jumps on it any chance she gets.  I have seen the fat lips from ice smashing into her face while ‘picking’ her way up a frozen waterfall somewhere and I can’t wait to hear where she is going next.

As much as this would make her seem like she would be on board with everything we do at SPARK there was always some apprehension (for lack of a better word).  Until about a month ago she would never call “done” when finishing her WOD and good luck trying to get her to lift heavy.  There just didn’t seem to be a competitive bone in her body when it came to working out - and thats not a bad thing…just uncharacteristic of most people at the gym.

Anyway, we had a one on one class the other day and things seemed to finally sink in.  Having tried to get her to go heavier on SEVERAL occasions she actually did it!  The heaviest weight she ever put on the bar was 105lbs and she deadlifted it once.  The other day she got up to 145lbs and owned it.  No rounded back, full extension at the top and put it down under control.  I know she could have done more but this was already a giant step for her.

Thanks for trusting me enough to go out of your comfort zone and progress.  Pretty soon you’ll be pulling 200!

And thank you to everyone for allowing the coaches at SPARK to whoop you day in and day out.  You’re putting your health and fitness into our hands and we hope we’re making a difference.  I’ve said it before, but you never stop amazing us with your effort, heart and courage.

Discuss.

Thinking a little more on yesterdays topic I really took a look at what the kids were doing tonight.  Now I’m not naive enough to believe that hidden messages aren’t everywhere but its interesting to see what actually gets picked up on. 

We got our daughter singing various pop songs (stuff my wife listens to like Lady Gaga and Black Eyed Peas) and then some edgier stuff I like.  Surprisingly, she actually could sing along with a fair amount of words - my personal favorite is when she sings “Give Up The Grudge” by Gob…not bad for an almost 5 year old.

She has no clue what she is saying but she knows it - just like she knows her advertisements.  She was busting out commercials along with the TV from fast food to head ache medicines.  CRAZY.

So what about the carry over…

My kids like to play little educational games online.  Games that help you learn the alphabet, colors, beginner math that sort of thing.  So we’re playing along and then I finally notice it…the ads.  They’ve played these games loads of times and I’ve watched and een I didn’t nnotice but when you do and you ask your child if they know what such and such is they sure know.  Just a reminder to us parents to keep the guards up I guess.

Of course after seeing that I got curious.  Surely someone has studies that…Well gues what, the same University that brought us that study from yesterday also brought us this:

“UC Davis public health researchers have found that children, who are already saturated with television messages about unhealthy food choices, are the targets of a new medium used to sell high-fat, high-sugar foods: advergames.

Advergames are an entertaining blend of interactive animation, video content and advertising, exposing children for extended periods of time to online messages that primarily promote corporate branding and products.

The analysis, published in the May issue of the Journal of Nutrition Education and Behavior, leads its authors to recommend increased regulation of food companies that target youth.”

“Each site and the pages within those sites were evaluated for strategies used to prolong visits, types and frequency of branding features, and the number and prominence of nutrition and physical activity messages. After assessing 19 websites, 290 web pages and 247 advergames, they found:

- Close to one-third of the advertising that included websites was for food

- The most frequently used strategy to encourage ongoing and return website visits was advergames — 84 percent of the websites assessed included online games

- Every advergame included at least one brand identifier, with logos being the most frequent and direct product representation being the second-most frequent

- On average, only one nutrition or physical activity message appeared for every 45 brand identifiers

“I was astounded by how often logos or actual food products were integrated into the games,” said Culp. “For example, some games used candy or cereal as game pieces. In others, a special code that was only available by purchasing a particular cereal was necessary to advance to higher game levels.”

“There was little messaging about healthier options or even the nutritional content — like fat and sugar values — of the product being advertised. If it was included, it was often buried in the site,” she said. “Advergames are clearly a means of casting food with few health benefits in a positive way and potentially priming kids for a lifetime of unhealthy food preferences.”

“Without effective self-regulation, the federal government should definitely step in and set requirements for food companies that target children. We can’t risk having another generation of youngsters at high risk for the long-term chronic diseases linked to unhealthy eating.”

Discuss.

I love watching Corporate America get all touchy feely.  You know what I’m talking about…when they give money for this and that to benefit whatever.  Especially when its “about the kids”.  You have to be a total idiot to believe they give two flips about children and their well being.  They know that kids are the path to the parents’ pocketbooks.

Padded prepubescent paunches make for a nice day at the office.  Don’t believe me?  Take a look at the commercials on TV.  How many of them are for shit food?  And how many of those are geared towards our kids?  When was the last time you saw a commercial that showed that doing something active was cool?  Sure we see some cool ads but all our kids have to stare at are video game ads, toy ads and fast food plugs.

I watch a fair amount of sports on TV and I always ask my kids if they would like to do whatever I’m watching.  Sometimes its a yes and sometimes its a no.  No problem, but you can bet I’m going to go affter what they think looks interesting.  Do they also ask if we can go to McDs after seeing one of their commercials?  Sure.  Do I as a parent get to say ”Maybe another day” and then try to change the subject.  Absolutely.  Now there of course has to be a balance.  Do I take my kids out to have a little junk now and then?  Of course, but not 4 days a week.

So why this today?  I found this: a study by the University of California - Davis.  They suggest that child obesity is not simply due to too much TV, but the advertising they see on it.  They recorded TV shows and their commercials on American TV during high viewing times (weekday afternoons and Saturday mornings).  They actually pulled from 12 networks, including popular children’s cable channels, mainstream English-language channels, and popular Spanish-language channels.

Here is what they found:

“Of the 5,724 commercials recorded, 1,162 were food-related — and as we’ve seen, young eyes are not the most discriminating when it comes to healthy chow. Overall, almost 1 in 5 commercials advertised a food- or nutrition-related product, and 5.2 food commercials were presented every hour. Of those, more than 70 percent advertised fast-food restaurants, sugary food, chips/crackers, or sugar-added beverages. Some 34 percent were for fast-food restaurants and convenience food.

Children’s networks ran the highest percentage of food-related commercials, which were primarily for high-fat and high-sugar foods. When compared to television for a general audience, the children’s networks in the study exposed young viewers to 76 percent more food commercials. These networks aired approximately 7.7 food-related commercials per hour — about one every eight minutes.

Eighty percent of MTV commercials advertised fast-food restaurants, sugar-added beverages, and sweets. Food advertising in Spanish-language American programming was primarily for fast-food restaurants and alcohol.

Only 1.7 percent of the commercials advertised fruits, vegetables, and juices, and only one nutrition-related public service announcement was present for every 63 food ads.”

Discuss.

Trust me, this is high intensity to the max…beyond max in fact!  It may take a bit to get everyone comfortable with it but I’m ready to give you guys the best.  Yes, appropriate attire for men will be nipple tank-tops and ladies well…whatever you’re comfortable with.

I’ve included a video so you all know what i’m talking about.  Feel free to let me know any concerns you may have or let me know if I have the thumbs up.

Your turn…discuss.

I hear it all the time…”you guys are nuts”, “I could never do that” and blah blah blah.  I will definately say that we do some things that aren’t the norm but I wouldn’t call us crazy.

Now if you’re looking for something to do becasue you’re bored you could go DO something crazy.  And if you caught it on camera it would be all that much better.  Here is an example I found that would be hilarious!  Anyone game?

Discuss.

Let me say that I’m not one of those closet facebookers.  I don’t lie to everyone and say its dumb and pointless and then use a fake name to creep people out.  I have an account, I know the people that are my “friends” and I check it every couple days.  SO WHAT!

There are two things that piss me off about Facebook though, one is as mentioned above - the antis.  If you don’t like it why do you know so much about it?  Grow the F up and get over it.  Things are easy enough to avoid these days by simply staying away from them.  Guess what, if you don’t have an account you can’t get annoying emails in your inbox and if people like doing something they feel is fun who the hell are you to judge them anyway?

Even more ironic (and yes I am using this correctly even most people don’t - at least I think its correct…) is that there are Anti-Facebook groups on Facebook!  Really?

Then there is the other EVIL side of FB.  The side that makes me want to scream and punch someone…heck, I’ll go so far as to say, the side that would make me want to actually “de-friend” someone.  Thats right, I said it…I’m about to lower the hammer and in the immortal words of Kenny Powers exclaim “You’re F**king OUT!”

In case you’re still with me and wondering what it is…its this:

Now let me back up here.  I am not judging these people playing these games, I just don’t want to be part of it and I can’t turn it off from my end (if I can please tell me).

Heres the deal though…I don’t care about your damn farm or your baby peacock or your tiki whatever.  Don’t invite me play, don’t tell me about it and just a note…if you were actually involved in the Mafia they would have killed you ages ago because you are a raging douche!

Is there not a way to turn off your stupid updates?  I DON’T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT THEM!  If you want to play games go buy a PS3 or something.  At least all those guys that sit at home and play WarCraft like Leroy Jenkins keep it to themselves…ok maybe Leroy didn’t keep it to himself but you get the point.

Please, please, PLEASE find a way to turn off those ridiculous updates!

While we’re at it I found a little something on who not to be on Facebook.  You know who you are, now fix it.

So here is your homework…

If you have these people on your Newsfeed send them a link to this blog.  You don’t even have to call them out.  Simply respond to one of their updates and say you found something funny and they should take a look and link to the blog.  If they have a nut in their head they’ll get it and stop, or at least think before hitting submit or whatever.  If they are clueless they’ll laugh and say how funny it was and then ask for assistance on the “farm” helping sheep over a fence.

Discuss.

Ok ladies, this post is just for you.  There is finally a solution to your *ahem* problem in the bedroom.  As a man, believe me when I tell you that there is nothing, let me repeat that, NOTHING sexy about you farting under the covers and then wafting it in our faces!

You no longer have to be embarassed while trying to sneak one out, or even leave the warmth of your bed and get to the bathroom to let go of an exceptionally sick stinker.  And I know I speak for all us guys out there when I say thank goodness…no more “Dutch Ovens”…I mean really, thats just childish.

So here it is, the product that could save your marriage (sorry, it won’t embed so you have to watch direct off Youtube)

Don’t you just love how the lady in the video tries to act like its her husband thats melting the paint off the walls?  I know!  Its ridiculous. 

–Whats that honey?  Yeah I’m totally throwing the guys under the bus on the blog about farting in bed.  Yeah the girls are gonna totally agree on this one.  No, I’m not blaming the women.  Trust me, I’m being totally impartial.–

Nothing better than not telling anyone the password to the blog!

Discuss.  (I have a feeling this one could get ugly as we have a few couples in the gym.)

And sorry, I had to add one of those lame “type the warped word” thingys because the 50+ spam posts a day were starting to piss me off.

No, these aren’t as good as the brilliant Jack Handey from SNL (I’ll bet all you youngins have no idea who Jack Handey is…shame) but they may cause you to think for a second and say “did I really just read that?”  Seriously, take a break and laugh…best recovery out there!  As funny as they are they are spot on…feel free to apply these to your life.  Yes, you’ll need to click on it and zoom so you can actually read it.

Anyway, if any of you are Zen Masters, feel free to post some more in comments

Sometimes when I take the bottles in I’m amazed at whats in the bags…pop, iced tea, weird things I’ve never seen before, sweetened fruit juice and even sugar water.  Sugar water?  Yes, sugar water.  Oh sorry, I mean “Vitamin Water”.  The empties of this have been quite plentiful as of late so I figured its time for some investigation as I’ve never had it myself.

Ok stop rolling your eyes, not everything you eat is bad for you and I know I slam a lot of things and here goes another rant, but I feel it is my job and even my duty as your coach and trainer to let you know about the crap thats out there…and yes a lot of times the good.

I’m gonna make this pretty short and sweet and then I’ll let you suckers read for yourselves…START READING THE F-ING LABELS ON THE THINGS YOU PUT IN YOUR BODY.  Whew, I feel much better now.  It really is quite simple folks - if you aren’t seeing the results you want and you’re at the gym regularly and you bust ass while you’re there I have four words for you that will probably fall on deaf ears but maybe it’ll sink in with one or two of you, and yes you can quote me:

“You eat like shit”.

Seriously, for all of you that eat “pretty good” and blah blah blah I have two more words for you “SUCK IT” (oh wait, sorry I had a flashback to my days when I watched WWF)  the words are, “You Don’t”.  Case in point, Vitamin Water.  You just aren’t paying enough attention.

Anyway, here is what I’m getting at.  Read this article and then start trying a little harder.  I PROMISE it will make a difference in how you feel, how you perform and how you look.  And just read than dang article…its not that long and clearly you aren’t working when you probably should be anyway.  You might just learn something.

The Dark Side Of Vitamin Water - John Robbins (no Jonny, this isn’t a Star Wars reference)

Now here’s something you wouldn’t expect. Coca-Cola is being sued by a non-profit public interest group, on the grounds that the company’s vitaminwater products make unwarranted health claims. No surprise there. But how do you think the company is defending itself?

In a staggering feat of twisted logic, lawyers for Coca-Cola are defending the lawsuit by asserting that “no consumer could reasonably be misled into thinking vitaminwater was a healthy beverage.”   (Yes, I added the bold, underline and italics…I wanted to make sure you saw it).

Does this mean that you’d have to be an unreasonable person to think that a product named “vitaminwater,” a product that has been heavily and aggressively marketed as a healthy beverage, actually had health benefits?

Or does it mean that it’s okay for a corporation to lie about its products, as long as they can then turn around and claim that no one actually believes their lies?

In fact, the product is basically sugar-water, to which about a penny’s worth of synthetic vitamins have been added. And the amount of sugar is not trivial. A bottle of vitaminwater contains 33 grams of sugar, making it more akin to a soft drink than to a healthy beverage.

Is any harm being done by this marketing ploy? After all, some might say consumers are at least getting some vitamins, and there isn’t as much sugar in vitaminwater as there is in regular Coke.

True. But about 35 percent of Americans are now considered medically obese. Two-thirds of Americans are overweight. Health experts tend to disagree about almost everything, but they all concur that added sugars play a key role in the obesity epidemic, a problem that now leads to more medical costs than smoking.

How many people with weight problems have consumed products like vitaminwater in the mistaken belief that the product was nutritionally positive and carried no caloric consequences? How many have thought that consuming vitaminwater was a smart choice from a weight-loss perspective? The very name “vitaminwater” suggests that the product is simply water with added nutrients, disguising the fact that it’s actually full of added sugar.

The truth is that when it comes to weight loss, what you drink may be even more important than what you eat. Americans now get nearly 25 percent of their calories from liquids. In 2009, researchers at the Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health published a report in the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition, finding that the quickest and most reliable way to lose weight is to cut down on liquid calorie consumption. And the best way to do that is to reduce or eliminate beverages that contain added sugar.

Meanwhile, Coca-Cola has invested billions of dollars in its vitaminwater line, paying basketball stars, including Kobe Bryant and Lebron James, to appear in ads that emphatically state that these products are a healthy way for consumers to hydrate. When Lebron James held his much ballyhooed TV special to announce his decision to join the Miami Heat, many corporations paid millions in an attempt to capitalize on the event. But it was vitaminwater that had the most prominent role throughout the show.

The lawsuit, brought by the Center for Science in the Public Interest, alleges that vitaminwater labels and advertising are filled with “deceptive and unsubstantiated claims.” In his recent 55-page ruling, Federal Judge John Gleeson (U.S. District Court for the Eastern District of New York), wrote, “At oral arguments, defendants (Coca-Cola) suggested that no consumer could reasonably be misled into thinking vitamin water was a healthy beverage.” Noting that the soft drink giant wasn’t claiming the lawsuit was wrong on factual grounds, the judge wrote that, “Accordingly, I must accept the factual allegations in the complaint as true.”

I still can’t get over the bizarre audacity of Coke’s legal case. Forced to defend themselves in court, they are acknowledging that vitaminwater isn’t a healthy product. But they are arguing that advertising it as such isn’t false advertising, because no could possibly believe such a ridiculous claim.

I guess that’s why they spend hundreds of millions of dollars advertising the product, saying it will keep you “healthy as a horse,” and will bring about a “healthy state of physical and mental well-being.”

Why do we allow companies like Coca-Cola to tell us that drinking a bottle of sugar water with a few added water-soluble vitamins is a legitimate way to meet our nutritional needs?

I can speak the truth when I say that 95% f the time I drink something it is water.  And yes once in a while I just want something with flavoe so what do I do?  I shoot a squirt of Pure Lemon juice into the bottle…gives it some zip.  ANd don’t ask about the little flavor packs, I’m likely to puch you in the back of the neck while you walk away.

Discuss.

No the title doesn’t make sense and no its not supposed to.  I do feel  however that that’s how we should all start expressing ourselves from now on.  Lets start a movement and follow our brother Steve Zwack by blurting out absolutely ridiculous sayings that actually make no sense at at.  Who’s in?

On the same topic of absolutely ridiculous things…lets talk about people that don’t eat meat.  No, its true!  There are people out there that don’t eat meat.  They have in their heads that they can actually get all the protein, amino acids and all the other great stuff in meat from plants.  I know…CRAZY!

Whats that old saying?  Oh yeah…You are what you eat!  Lets reverse that a little…you eat what you are!  Thats right folks, you are made of meat.  You NEED meat for proper nutrition and to repair what you damage when you workout.  Yup, working out damages muscles and as they repair themselves they get bigger and stronger.  More muscle means more caloric burn and that means a leaner you. 

I’m not going to get into the nitty gritty of the body’s physiological processes and all that.  I know what I know and I’m not out to prove anything because its already been proven.  Stop following the trendy bandwagon and do a liitle research.  And if you feel the desire to prove me wrong bring me the PEER REVIEWED scientific research.  After you’ve stumped yourself go get a nice big steak.  You’ll have earned it after all the education you’ve just received.

I am also getting a little sick and tired of the argument that killing animals isn’t right.  It really frustrates me when I start tuning out their bullshit because I start to notice their leather shoes and leather seats in thier car.  Double standard.  Its as bad as those idiots that drive to the rally to protest against oil companies.

I am a hunter, I eat what I kill and I try to put them down as quickly and painlessly as possible out of respect for them.  And for those of you that think hunting is wrong I would encourage you to visit a slaughter house and a farm where they raise your meat to be killed and tell me that is more humane than hunting.  By the way, bow hunting season starts in about 33 days!

Thats enough of that.  I believe my rant has got my point across so let me say this:  You can eat how you want…goodness knows I do.  All I am saying is that in order to achieve proper nutrition and fitness you need a combination of lean meats and fruits and vegetables.  Your body cannot run optimally without the stuff it is made of.

Truth be told - and you may find this hard to believe - I could really care less if you eat meat or not…its your choice and I can live with that.  So why is it so hard to let me have mine. 

So please, stay out of the playgrounds and stop handing kids anti-milk trading cards.  Take your billboards down and do something constructive with your money like sheltering the homeless.  If your point was valid would you need to use naked women to make it?

Totally unrelated to any of this…The blog post I did about Tig was featured on CrossFit’s Affiliate blog today.

Post thoughts to Comments

So I was thinking today about the purpose of this “blog” and what I’m trying to accomplish or whatever.  Truth be told, I’ve NEVER really thought about it before.  I didn’t really come to any definative conclusions so I’ll just leave it at this…

I’m not out to change the world with my posts, I’m not trying to get the attention of some bigger entity so I can be on a larger scale and I sure as hell am not out to impress anyone.  This ummmm, shall we call it “daily” posting is merely a collection of my thoughts, random rants with any topic I feel at the time and of course some good mindless entertainment.  If I can open a few eyes or educate a few people I suppose thats just a huge bonus.

In other words, if you, my readers simply come and read and actually come back I guess I’m doing ok.  I will admit that it does feel good to see some people posting.  I could probably go so far as to say its pretty much the only reason I’ve been keeping it up so Thanks.

On that note, some brilliant work by K Swiss with none other than…Kenny Powers!

Some pretty inspiring stuff eh?  Makes me want some Tubes!  I really get Kenny and if one day I am lucky enough to meet him I would like to think he would get me too.  His words go right to my soul and in honor to him I think I should paint one of his quotes on the wall at SPARK…maybe in the new gym.

“Do yourself and the rest of the people that have to look at your disgusting body a favor and get training”

- Kenny Powers        

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Instant gratification has really gone up a notch here eh?  I mean, we’ve all heard that anything worth getting is worth working your ass off for right?  But not taking 1 minute out of your day to make a sandwich?  COME ON! 

Now I know everyone at SPARK eats totally clean and never cheats and even the mere thought of a PB&J sandwich is like acid on an open wound.  BULLSHIT!  There are few things in this world that are as tasty and comforting than a fresh bread PB&J.  Thank goodness we have no bread in the house or I’d probably be stuffing my face right now. 

This is absolute blasphemy…not to mention that it sounds totally disgusting!  But I must say that I am totally intrigued.  I would also bet that EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU would have a go if I brought in a case.  Perhaps this should be the new birthday treat…hmmmmmm, canned cake.

Here is the sales pitch:

- Candwich is the perfect product for people on the go such as students, construction workers, soccer moms and outdoor enthusiasts.

- Unique packaging offers convenience and protection while backpacking, camping, biking and other activities.

- (My personal favorite) Does not require refrigeration.

- Candwich has a long shelf life that is perfect for emergency food storage needs in the event of natural disasters.

- These great tasting products are available as single can, four-pack or by the case.

And soon to be released…Pepperoni Pizza Flavor.

I tried to find the Nutritional Information on this stuff but I was not able to.  So if your Google-Fu is better than mine (which I’m sure it probably is) help me out and post it up. 

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