Ok so this is my version of “Who wore it best”?  In case you don’t know what that is you obviously don’t waste your time reading trashy “celebrity” magazines like someone I know does.  HA HA (By the way I think I’m in trouble for that last comment).

Anyway, its when they “catch” two different celebs wearing the same outfit and they put the pictures side by side for people to judge.  They vote on who it looks better on and then publish these oh so scientific findings in the magazine.  Whatever.  Apparently its quite a popular thing.

I decided to try something else.  As many of you know I have a pension for reality TV - so sue me its one of my guilty pleasures - and the other day I watched America’s Got Talent where I saw this amazing little girl sing.  She is so talented and for such a little thing to belt out this song will give you goose bumps for sure.  But after watching it I knew I had seen it on film somewhere else before sung by someone else…well guess what…I found it.

You be the judge…Who sang it best?

This one is kind of long but I couldn’t find a shorter one so if you skip to 1:30 you’ll see the important part and once you hear her sing go ahead and turn it off because the rest is lame.

And now number two

Who gets your vote?

Funny.  Gross.  Makes you think a little…This is the story of the 1 year old Happy Meal. 

Nonna Joann writes and keeps the blog “Baby Bites - Transforming A Picky Eater Into A Healthy Eater”.  As an experiment she decided to keep a Happy Meal on her counter for an entire year (or at least as long as she could stand it).  The findings may shock you a little or perhaps not because lets face it, we’ve all gone to vacuum out our car and found a fry that looks a few seconds old under our seat.  Oh stop lying to yourself and all of us!  You’ve all found one so just shut your lips and read…I’ll summarize it for you.

“I purchased a Happy Meal, not to eat, but to observe. Yes, I bought a Happy Meal and then placed it on my office shelf, right behind me and my computer. It sat on my shelf for a year as a silent witness to our fast food industry.

It smelled delicious for a few days. I’d get a whiff of those yummy French fries every time I walked into my office. After a week or so, you could hardly smell it. My husband worried that when the food began to decompose, there would be a terrible odor in our home. He also worried the food would attract ants and mice. He questioned my sanity.

NOPE, no worries at all. My Happy Meal is one year old today and it looks pretty good. It NEVER smelled bad. The food did NOT decompose. It did NOT get moldy, at all.”

“The photo on the bottom is the one I took today.  Because Colorado has an arid climate, over the year the moisture has been slowly pulled from the Happy Meal.  The bread is crusty and if you look closely, you will see a crack across the top.  The hamburger has shrunk a bit and still resembles a hockey puck.  Yet, the French fries look yummy enough to eat.  I never had an odor problem, after a couple of weeks, I couldn’t even smell the fries.

Now look at the photo on the top, I took it a year ago.  Not much difference.  The bread is plumper and the fries a tad bit perkier.”

“Picky eaters universally love junk foods. They won’t touch veggies and sometimes refuse to eat the food their moms prepare. Out of desperation, parents give in and purchase the food their picky eaters will eat…junk food.

The next time you’re tempted to purchase a Happy Meal for your child, think about these photos. Food is SUPPOSED to decompose, go bad and smell foul…eventually.  When I was a kid, I remember our garbage pail for the left over food scraps was kept by our back door. After a couple of days, flies deposited their larvae (maggots) in the meat. When I would lift the lid, I would see the recently hatched maggots wiggling on the putrid mess. A fly never bothered to land on the tiny hamburger patty on my office shelf.

Food is broken down into it’s essential nutrients in our bodies and turned into fuel. Our children grow strong bodies, when they eat real food. Flies ignore a Happy Meal and microbes don’t decompose it, then your child’s body can’t properly metabolize it either. Now you know why it’s called “junk food.”

Discuss.

So today is a big day in the old Layton house.  My middle child - and only daughter - Brooklyn turns 5 today.  Yep, that means she starts Kindergarten TOMORROW and she is crazy excited.  Don’t let her cuteness fool you though, she has a wicked streak to her, although most don’t believe me.  Truth be told, I wouldn’t want it any other way!

I also want to give a big thank you to Jana and Tim for taking the time to make this a true ‘princess’ event for her.  No we didn’t put her in a tanning bed - we’re not psycho parents!  Thanks Jana for doing her nails all pretty and to Tim for giving her her first haircut and style.

A little shout out - Jana owns a Mystique Tanning Franchise in Sherwood Park and does nails and waxing and Tim owns a Hair Salon, “The Sedan Chair Salon”, over in Summerside/Ellerslie.  We have a lot of really talented individuals that train here at SPARK that offer a lot of different services.  If you’re looking for something ask around the gym, you never know what you might find.

Anyway, HAPPY BIRTHDAY PEANUT!  Love you.

Let everyone know about the services you’ve used from people in the gym…and no all you people that are dating each other, we don’t need to know what YOU’RE doing for each other!

Today was Sean’s last day at SPARK and he will definately be missed.  Always the one to add a comic relief during class or on his FB to make everyone laugh.  I mean come on, how many people do you know that would publically admit to have sword fights in Prison?  Yes prison.  Sean is a Corrections Officer…not for any real big crimimals, but some rule breakers nonetheless.

We’ve seen some big changes in you my friend and you can stop by any time or post on the blog.  And by the way, this doesn’t mean you are off the hook for the fundraiser this year.  You, Brett and Conor are not only invited…you are expected (and yes that means raising money too not just working out). 

Comments?  Burns?  F-yous?  Put them in the comments.

For those of you that don’t come at 6:00am let me introduce you to Bibiana.  Bibiana has been coming for quite some time now and until the other day danced somewhat to her own tune.

She is hands down one of the most active people I know outside the gym.  In her mind there is always an adventure waiting for her and she jumps on it any chance she gets.  I have seen the fat lips from ice smashing into her face while ‘picking’ her way up a frozen waterfall somewhere and I can’t wait to hear where she is going next.

As much as this would make her seem like she would be on board with everything we do at SPARK there was always some apprehension (for lack of a better word).  Until about a month ago she would never call “done” when finishing her WOD and good luck trying to get her to lift heavy.  There just didn’t seem to be a competitive bone in her body when it came to working out - and thats not a bad thing…just uncharacteristic of most people at the gym.

Anyway, we had a one on one class the other day and things seemed to finally sink in.  Having tried to get her to go heavier on SEVERAL occasions she actually did it!  The heaviest weight she ever put on the bar was 105lbs and she deadlifted it once.  The other day she got up to 145lbs and owned it.  No rounded back, full extension at the top and put it down under control.  I know she could have done more but this was already a giant step for her.

Thanks for trusting me enough to go out of your comfort zone and progress.  Pretty soon you’ll be pulling 200!

And thank you to everyone for allowing the coaches at SPARK to whoop you day in and day out.  You’re putting your health and fitness into our hands and we hope we’re making a difference.  I’ve said it before, but you never stop amazing us with your effort, heart and courage.

Discuss.

Thinking a little more on yesterdays topic I really took a look at what the kids were doing tonight.  Now I’m not naive enough to believe that hidden messages aren’t everywhere but its interesting to see what actually gets picked up on. 

We got our daughter singing various pop songs (stuff my wife listens to like Lady Gaga and Black Eyed Peas) and then some edgier stuff I like.  Surprisingly, she actually could sing along with a fair amount of words - my personal favorite is when she sings “Give Up The Grudge” by Gob…not bad for an almost 5 year old.

She has no clue what she is saying but she knows it - just like she knows her advertisements.  She was busting out commercials along with the TV from fast food to head ache medicines.  CRAZY.

So what about the carry over…

My kids like to play little educational games online.  Games that help you learn the alphabet, colors, beginner math that sort of thing.  So we’re playing along and then I finally notice it…the ads.  They’ve played these games loads of times and I’ve watched and een I didn’t nnotice but when you do and you ask your child if they know what such and such is they sure know.  Just a reminder to us parents to keep the guards up I guess.

Of course after seeing that I got curious.  Surely someone has studies that…Well gues what, the same University that brought us that study from yesterday also brought us this:

“UC Davis public health researchers have found that children, who are already saturated with television messages about unhealthy food choices, are the targets of a new medium used to sell high-fat, high-sugar foods: advergames.

Advergames are an entertaining blend of interactive animation, video content and advertising, exposing children for extended periods of time to online messages that primarily promote corporate branding and products.

The analysis, published in the May issue of the Journal of Nutrition Education and Behavior, leads its authors to recommend increased regulation of food companies that target youth.”

“Each site and the pages within those sites were evaluated for strategies used to prolong visits, types and frequency of branding features, and the number and prominence of nutrition and physical activity messages. After assessing 19 websites, 290 web pages and 247 advergames, they found:

- Close to one-third of the advertising that included websites was for food

- The most frequently used strategy to encourage ongoing and return website visits was advergames — 84 percent of the websites assessed included online games

- Every advergame included at least one brand identifier, with logos being the most frequent and direct product representation being the second-most frequent

- On average, only one nutrition or physical activity message appeared for every 45 brand identifiers

“I was astounded by how often logos or actual food products were integrated into the games,” said Culp. “For example, some games used candy or cereal as game pieces. In others, a special code that was only available by purchasing a particular cereal was necessary to advance to higher game levels.”

“There was little messaging about healthier options or even the nutritional content — like fat and sugar values — of the product being advertised. If it was included, it was often buried in the site,” she said. “Advergames are clearly a means of casting food with few health benefits in a positive way and potentially priming kids for a lifetime of unhealthy food preferences.”

“Without effective self-regulation, the federal government should definitely step in and set requirements for food companies that target children. We can’t risk having another generation of youngsters at high risk for the long-term chronic diseases linked to unhealthy eating.”

Discuss.

I love watching Corporate America get all touchy feely.  You know what I’m talking about…when they give money for this and that to benefit whatever.  Especially when its “about the kids”.  You have to be a total idiot to believe they give two flips about children and their well being.  They know that kids are the path to the parents’ pocketbooks.

Padded prepubescent paunches make for a nice day at the office.  Don’t believe me?  Take a look at the commercials on TV.  How many of them are for shit food?  And how many of those are geared towards our kids?  When was the last time you saw a commercial that showed that doing something active was cool?  Sure we see some cool ads but all our kids have to stare at are video game ads, toy ads and fast food plugs.

I watch a fair amount of sports on TV and I always ask my kids if they would like to do whatever I’m watching.  Sometimes its a yes and sometimes its a no.  No problem, but you can bet I’m going to go affter what they think looks interesting.  Do they also ask if we can go to McDs after seeing one of their commercials?  Sure.  Do I as a parent get to say ”Maybe another day” and then try to change the subject.  Absolutely.  Now there of course has to be a balance.  Do I take my kids out to have a little junk now and then?  Of course, but not 4 days a week.

So why this today?  I found this: a study by the University of California - Davis.  They suggest that child obesity is not simply due to too much TV, but the advertising they see on it.  They recorded TV shows and their commercials on American TV during high viewing times (weekday afternoons and Saturday mornings).  They actually pulled from 12 networks, including popular children’s cable channels, mainstream English-language channels, and popular Spanish-language channels.

Here is what they found:

“Of the 5,724 commercials recorded, 1,162 were food-related — and as we’ve seen, young eyes are not the most discriminating when it comes to healthy chow. Overall, almost 1 in 5 commercials advertised a food- or nutrition-related product, and 5.2 food commercials were presented every hour. Of those, more than 70 percent advertised fast-food restaurants, sugary food, chips/crackers, or sugar-added beverages. Some 34 percent were for fast-food restaurants and convenience food.

Children’s networks ran the highest percentage of food-related commercials, which were primarily for high-fat and high-sugar foods. When compared to television for a general audience, the children’s networks in the study exposed young viewers to 76 percent more food commercials. These networks aired approximately 7.7 food-related commercials per hour — about one every eight minutes.

Eighty percent of MTV commercials advertised fast-food restaurants, sugar-added beverages, and sweets. Food advertising in Spanish-language American programming was primarily for fast-food restaurants and alcohol.

Only 1.7 percent of the commercials advertised fruits, vegetables, and juices, and only one nutrition-related public service announcement was present for every 63 food ads.”

Discuss.

Trust me, this is high intensity to the max…beyond max in fact!  It may take a bit to get everyone comfortable with it but I’m ready to give you guys the best.  Yes, appropriate attire for men will be nipple tank-tops and ladies well…whatever you’re comfortable with.

I’ve included a video so you all know what i’m talking about.  Feel free to let me know any concerns you may have or let me know if I have the thumbs up.

Your turn…discuss.

I hear it all the time…”you guys are nuts”, “I could never do that” and blah blah blah.  I will definately say that we do some things that aren’t the norm but I wouldn’t call us crazy.

Now if you’re looking for something to do becasue you’re bored you could go DO something crazy.  And if you caught it on camera it would be all that much better.  Here is an example I found that would be hilarious!  Anyone game?

Discuss.

Let me say that I’m not one of those closet facebookers.  I don’t lie to everyone and say its dumb and pointless and then use a fake name to creep people out.  I have an account, I know the people that are my “friends” and I check it every couple days.  SO WHAT!

There are two things that piss me off about Facebook though, one is as mentioned above - the antis.  If you don’t like it why do you know so much about it?  Grow the F up and get over it.  Things are easy enough to avoid these days by simply staying away from them.  Guess what, if you don’t have an account you can’t get annoying emails in your inbox and if people like doing something they feel is fun who the hell are you to judge them anyway?

Even more ironic (and yes I am using this correctly even most people don’t - at least I think its correct…) is that there are Anti-Facebook groups on Facebook!  Really?

Then there is the other EVIL side of FB.  The side that makes me want to scream and punch someone…heck, I’ll go so far as to say, the side that would make me want to actually “de-friend” someone.  Thats right, I said it…I’m about to lower the hammer and in the immortal words of Kenny Powers exclaim “You’re F**king OUT!”

In case you’re still with me and wondering what it is…its this:

Now let me back up here.  I am not judging these people playing these games, I just don’t want to be part of it and I can’t turn it off from my end (if I can please tell me).

Heres the deal though…I don’t care about your damn farm or your baby peacock or your tiki whatever.  Don’t invite me play, don’t tell me about it and just a note…if you were actually involved in the Mafia they would have killed you ages ago because you are a raging douche!

Is there not a way to turn off your stupid updates?  I DON’T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT THEM!  If you want to play games go buy a PS3 or something.  At least all those guys that sit at home and play WarCraft like Leroy Jenkins keep it to themselves…ok maybe Leroy didn’t keep it to himself but you get the point.

Please, please, PLEASE find a way to turn off those ridiculous updates!

While we’re at it I found a little something on who not to be on Facebook.  You know who you are, now fix it.

So here is your homework…

If you have these people on your Newsfeed send them a link to this blog.  You don’t even have to call them out.  Simply respond to one of their updates and say you found something funny and they should take a look and link to the blog.  If they have a nut in their head they’ll get it and stop, or at least think before hitting submit or whatever.  If they are clueless they’ll laugh and say how funny it was and then ask for assistance on the “farm” helping sheep over a fence.

Discuss.

Ok ladies, this post is just for you.  There is finally a solution to your *ahem* problem in the bedroom.  As a man, believe me when I tell you that there is nothing, let me repeat that, NOTHING sexy about you farting under the covers and then wafting it in our faces!

You no longer have to be embarassed while trying to sneak one out, or even leave the warmth of your bed and get to the bathroom to let go of an exceptionally sick stinker.  And I know I speak for all us guys out there when I say thank goodness…no more “Dutch Ovens”…I mean really, thats just childish.

So here it is, the product that could save your marriage (sorry, it won’t embed so you have to watch direct off Youtube)

Don’t you just love how the lady in the video tries to act like its her husband thats melting the paint off the walls?  I know!  Its ridiculous. 

–Whats that honey?  Yeah I’m totally throwing the guys under the bus on the blog about farting in bed.  Yeah the girls are gonna totally agree on this one.  No, I’m not blaming the women.  Trust me, I’m being totally impartial.–

Nothing better than not telling anyone the password to the blog!

Discuss.  (I have a feeling this one could get ugly as we have a few couples in the gym.)

And sorry, I had to add one of those lame “type the warped word” thingys because the 50+ spam posts a day were starting to piss me off.

No, these aren’t as good as the brilliant Jack Handey from SNL (I’ll bet all you youngins have no idea who Jack Handey is…shame) but they may cause you to think for a second and say “did I really just read that?”  Seriously, take a break and laugh…best recovery out there!  As funny as they are they are spot on…feel free to apply these to your life.  Yes, you’ll need to click on it and zoom so you can actually read it.

Anyway, if any of you are Zen Masters, feel free to post some more in comments